{"id":6,"date":"2006-03-21T01:33:46","date_gmt":"2006-03-20T14:33:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xhva.net\/log\/?page_id=6"},"modified":"2006-03-30T02:14:59","modified_gmt":"2006-03-29T15:14:59","slug":"6","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/xhva.net\/log\/6\/","title":{"rendered":"Ye old blogs of xhva.net"},"content":{"rendered":"

With the site ren\u00ado\u00adva\u00adtion of 2006, I copied my blog entries out, shed a tear, and took Blog\u00adger out the back to put a bul\u00adlet in its head. Long tired of the site slow\u00addowns and the pub\u00adlish\u00ading page that gave me pret\u00adty much no feed\u00adback past a per\u00adcent\u00adage sign, I moved to Word\u00adPress host\u00aded on my own machine.<\/p>\n

I did\u00adn\u2019t want to clog up the main new blog with my old crap, so here it is, all in one page.<\/p>\n

Look\u00ading back at these entries, I\u2019m mild\u00adly hor\u00adri\u00adfied and a lit\u00adtle bemused at some of the things I\u2019ve writ\u00adten. How\u00adev\u00ader, they still rep\u00adre\u00adsent a \u2018me\u2019 from the past, and they\u2019re a good reminder of the weird shit that went on a few years ago.<\/p>\n

I think the major hor\u00adror was actu\u00adal\u00adly the markup I\u2019d used to cre\u00adate the blog page. Nest\u00aded tables, divs for every\u00adthing (no seman\u00adtic val\u00adue at all) and un-quot\u00aded class\u00adnames. The BR\u2019s through\u00adout are Blog\u00adger\u2019s fault, and I won\u2019t take blame for that.<\/p>\n

One thing I haven\u2019t done yet is change the image ref\u00ader\u00adences. There weren\u2019t many posts with attached images, but I\u2019ll fix it eventually.<\/p>\n

Enjoy! I think there\u2019s some\u00adthing in that for all of us.<\/p>\n

Tuesday, August 26, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

2:33 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Thank God for PHP. I\u2019ve con\u00advert\u00aded the users page of xhva.net to use a PHP script, scrap\u00ading text from the filesys\u00adtem and build\u00ading the page dynam\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly. It\u2019s my first attempt at a PHP script, and I like it. Lots of lit\u00adtle things to add in the future.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m very hap\u00adpy with how it\u2019s turned out. The reg\u00adis\u00adtered users of my FTP can sim\u00adply update a few text files in their home dir to change their site name, descrip\u00adtion, URL or thumb\u00adnail dis\u00adplayed on the users page. And I\u2019ve made enough lock\u00addowns to stop the more play\u00adful ones from destroy\u00ading the page. :)<\/p>\n

Well, my eyes are hurt\u00ading. I\u2019m think\u00ading of get\u00adting some sleep now. I\u2019m on the ear\u00adly morn\u00ading train out to see my fam\u00adi\u00adly, and although I\u2019m look\u00ading for\u00adward to being there, I\u2019m not look\u00ading for\u00adward to the trip. Urgh. Loud, arse-crip\u00adpling bus for an hour and a half, after a four-hour train trip wedged in a seat.<\/p>\n

Yeah, it\u2019s bed time now. Users of my FTP, unite, and attempt to ruin my new PHP page. I need to learn the ins and outs of pro\u00adtect\u00ading my stuff from you guys. :)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, August 22, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

1:23 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

I\u2019m going to do it. The for\u00adm\u2019s in my pocket.
\nI have the details.<\/p>\n

\u2013<\/p>\n

Pin\u00adpoints of green and hazy blue reflect\u00ading into amber skin. Black stone. Water. Gold on crests of white. Open air, coloured with the stain of salt. A mind of words and thoughts beside me, eager fin\u00adgers clasp\u00ading my own, unmov\u00ading but for us.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, August 16, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

2:17 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Just a quick entry before I go to bed. Noth\u00ading ter\u00adri\u00adbly impor\u00adtant to write about, but I feel like express\u00ading myself again. Did a lit\u00adtle design\u00ading tonight, tho I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll use any of it for the xhva.net pages. I like the design, and final\u00adly I\u2019m step\u00adping away from blue, but it means los\u00ading the con\u00adtent of the main intro page \u2014 the lit\u00adtle text-adven\u00adture non\u00adsense \u2014 and I don\u2019t real\u00adly want to lose that lit\u00adtle bit of text. I feel it fits right in with my sense of humour, as tacky as it is. Those of you bored out of your skulls can find a very basic pro\u00adto\u00adtype here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Should go to bed\u2026 I\u2019ve got a friend com\u00ading over in the morn\u00ading to grab some DC games before work. My brain is pret\u00adty fraz\u00adzled tonight, so I\u2019m seek\u00ading things to do, which is an indi\u00adca\u00adtion I should just sleep.<\/p>\n

Blaster has proven quite fun\u00adny so far. I had the RPC hole patched almost a month ago. Does any\u00adone else use Win\u00addows Update or pay atten\u00adtion to secu\u00adri\u00adty alerts? If you\u2019re going to run a sys\u00adtem that has an exten\u00adsive his\u00adto\u00adry of mind\u00adless secu\u00adri\u00adty prob\u00adlems then you, the user, must sup\u00adpli\u00adment the OS\u2019s lack of vig\u00adi\u00adlance with your own. Run Zonealarm. Don\u2019t open attach\u00adments ran\u00addom\u00adly. Keep a virus scan\u00adner run\u00adning. None of these basic pre\u00adcau\u00adtions cost mon\u00adey, but they might just edu\u00adcate you.<\/p>\n

Can\u2019t wait to move the web\u00adserv\u00ader and ftp to a lin\u00adux machine behind a strict fire\u00adwall and use SSH for every\u00adthing. While I\u2019m there, it\u2019s about time I learnt PHP and at least dynam\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly build the \/user page. Updat\u00ading it man\u00adu\u00adal\u00adly real\u00adly sucks. And I\u2019ll kill the nest\u00aded table shit in that page too.<\/p>\n

Those of you view\u00ading my site in IE5 prob\u00ada\u00adbly aren\u2019t see\u00ading it cor\u00adrect\u00adly either. Well, tough luck. Either upgrade to the demon\u00adic IE6 or start using a brows\u00ader that pays prop\u00ader atten\u00adtion to CSS padding ele\u00adments, like Mozil\u00adla<\/strong>. I fought with this a while back, and I\u2019ve decid\u00aded I just can\u2019t be fuck\u00ading both\u00adered to fix it for IE5. Noth\u00ading good ever comes from accept\u00ading bad behav\u00adiour, espe\u00adcial\u00adly in ren\u00adder\u00ading engines. I have nev\u00ader loaded these pages in Netscape 4. The pain would be too great.<\/p>\n

Oh well, tis time for sleep now. I\u2019m feel\u00ading mighty toasty thanks to the cheap and nasty does\u00adn\u2019t-turn-off-if-you-knock-it-over<\/em> heater, and I\u2019m out\u00adta projects to keep my mind spin\u00adning. No more bitch\u00ading about IE tonight. :)<\/p>\n

Take care, all\u2026 \u2018spe\u00adcial\u00adly you, spunky.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wednesday, August 13, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

10:10 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

So I\u2019m sit\u00adting in Wind\u00adsor at 9:50, think\u00ading of what I should put into a new blog entry. There\u2019s a few things on my mind at the moment, all about prac\u00adti\u00adcal\u00adi\u00adty. I\u2019ve found myself with a tighter time\u00adline than I\u2019d planned, but I think we\u2019re all in the same boat at the mo. Visions of sug\u00adarplums dance through my head.<\/p>\n

Life is a lit\u00adtle warped in the way it deliv\u00aders presents and oppor\u00adtu\u00adni\u00adties. They always seem to come at both the wrong and the right time. Wrong, because the soul is reluc\u00adtant to admit it\u2019s in a rut, and right because it\u2019s exact\u00adly what we need. \u201cChange is good,\u201d I was recent\u00adly told.<\/p>\n

My thoughts are too messy to write prop\u00ader\u00adly at the moment, so I\u2019ll leave this blog entry to be con\u00adtin\u00adued later\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, August 11, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

1:43 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Hav\u00ading a ter\u00adri\u00adbly blonde night. \u2018Try\u00ading to take my tie off for ten sec\u00adonds before I realise it\u2019s the hea\u00adphones I\u2019m wear\u00ading<\/em> get\u00adting in the way. Mean\u00adwhile, Pushit<\/em> strolls through my ears. Got\u00adta stop eat\u00ading whole tins of canned fruit. I have a feel\u00ading that it\u2019s not good for the body.<\/p>\n

I just spent two days fold\u00aded up in the back of a car like a piece of exer\u00adcise equip\u00adment, and I can hon\u00adest\u00adly say that it was the most fun I\u2019ve had in a long time. Oh, that sounds rather sus\u00adpi\u00adcious phrased like that.<\/p>\n

Bal\u00adli\u00adna is beau\u00adti\u00adful. Clean, so clean and fresh. Salt in the air, deep blue empti\u00adness above, sand and grass and rock\u00adpools with pret\u00adty coloured snails. But the loca\u00adtion isn\u2019t the only thing that made me hap\u00adpy dur\u00ading this trip. :)<\/p>\n

How won\u00adder\u00adful it is to have the per\u00adson you love asleep in your lap.<\/p>\n

\u2013<\/p>\n

In anoth\u00ader world entire\u00adly, those of you fol\u00adlow\u00ading the bizarre SCO vs. IBM case may get a laugh from this<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, August 05, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:48 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

I love you more than lan\u00adguage allows me to say, Michael.<\/p>\n

\u00c3?r\u00c3\u00ab y\u00c3\u00a9talyen, ar hen\u00adduly\u00adat nar inyats\u00c3\u00ab,
\nambarenya van\u00adwa ar calalya n\u00c3\u00a1 ilya.
\nWhen you look at me, and your eyes are in mine,
\nmy world dis\u00adap\u00adpears and your light is all.<\/p>\n

\u2013<\/p>\n

breathe out
\nso I can breathe you in
\nhold you in<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Thursday, July 31, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:40 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Just fin\u00adished watch\u00ading Insom\u00adnia<\/em>. An above-aver\u00adage movie, but lack\u00ading the pure psy\u00adchol\u00ado\u00adgy that could have made it so much more. Hilary Swank kicks butt. She\u2019s an all-round excel\u00adlent actress, but I think the plot called for her trans\u00adfor\u00adma\u00adtion a lit\u00adtle too eager\u00adly. Robin Williams tog\u00adgles between dark and gum\u00admy as he tends to do. I can\u2019t help but notice his over\u00addone reluc\u00adtance, that strange\u2026 twitch\u2026 he has in sep\u00ada\u00adrat\u00ading con\u00adcepts, like a ner\u00advous Dr Lec\u00adtor with\u00adout the force\u00adful intel\u00adli\u00adgence and bit\u00adter\u00adsweet smiles.<\/p>\n

Paci\u00adno is Paci\u00adno: rough, a lit\u00adtle haughty and still a pow\u00ader\u00adful fea\u00adture on screen. As with Swank, I think his char\u00adac\u00adter bun\u00adny-hopped notice\u00adably dur\u00ading the last twen\u00adty minutes.<\/p>\n

Worth see\u00ading if you have the time, espe\u00adcial\u00adly at three in the morn\u00ading. I note the irony; no need to worry.<\/p>\n

Life is great. Some\u00adwhere near\u00adby, a lit\u00adtle rain\u00adbow land\u00aded, and I\u2019ve just found it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, July 28, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:14 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Tomor\u00adrow marks the day when I wel\u00adcome back to the coun\u00adtry a long time friend. We have no plans, as that would basi\u00adcal\u00adly be out of the ordi\u00adnary for a meet\u00ading like this, and so I expect tomor\u00adrow to be filled with sur\u00adpris\u00ades. Bet\u00adter yet is the news I have and the ideas I will share. Shalt be an inter\u00adest\u00ading day for all. :)Any\u00adway, back to real\u00adi\u00adty. I\u2019m sit\u00adting around at half past two think\u00ading about life and how to express myself. My week has been one of the best in recent mem\u00ado\u00adry, and it sure is good to find that I can smile for hours at a time. My cheek\u00adbones hurt.<\/p>\n

A good friend said to me the oth\u00ader day, \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you like this for a long time.\u201d For\u00adgive my for\u00adget\u00adful para\u00adphras\u00ading, but that com\u00adment made a big dent on me. Wow, it\u2019s good to be like this.<\/p>\n

So in the short term, aiya m\u00c3\u00a1lonya, in the long term, merin mape hroalya ran\u00adcun\u00ady\u00adatse, moina sel\u00addo, ar nyaru\u00advanyel s\u00c3\u00a1 melinyel ilya aure i ambare\u00adva. Hirin alasse m\u00c3\u00ad alas\u00adselya.<\/p>\n

And now I com\u00admand myself<\/em> to sleep :P<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wednesday, July 23, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

12:00 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Sit\u00adting around by the heater wip\u00ading my nose and feel\u00ading annoyed at the flu. LOL @ myself as I dis\u00adcov\u00ader this old line from a diary entry:\u201cI want the inner child, the strong man, the thought\u00adful purist, cor\u00adrupt enough to match myself in glee.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, July 21, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

11:42 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

To the few won\u00adder\u00ading of my state: of course I have, with\u00adout restraint or rea\u00adson. That is a vice I will not fix. I would rather feel both extremes than feel noth\u00ading. This is as my heart would have me do.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, July 08, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

5:31 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Yay! MozBlog + Blog\u00adger work\u00ading again! It was all about my account not being com\u00adplete\u00adly migrat\u00aded. What a pain in the arse. Moz 1.4 is great, tho I\u2019m real\u00adly look\u00ading for\u00adward to 1.5 when Fire\u00adbird and Thun\u00adder\u00adbird become the trunk. Lighter, more con\u00adfig\u00adurable, awe\u00adsome exten\u00adtions\u2026 and final\u00adly a theme that uses my sys\u00adtem colours and does\u00adn\u2019t look crap. W00t.<\/p>\n

My flat\u00admate cooks an incred\u00adi\u00adble Shep\u00adherd\u2019s Pie.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m sit\u00adting here in the dark, star\u00ading into the lumi\u00adnes\u00adence of a very<\/em> bright mon\u00adi\u00adtor, lis\u00adten\u00ading to a bizarre mix of Staind, Evanes\u00adcence, Trapt and Aaliyah. There\u2019s a strange feel\u00ading in lis\u00adten\u00ading to a voice you know will nev\u00ader speak again. I\u2019m think\u00ading about a few peo\u00adple who may become part of my life, in capac\u00adi\u00adties they don\u2019t under\u00adstand yet.<\/p>\n

I sit here locked inside my head
\nremem\u00adber\u00ading every\u00adthing you said
\nthe silence gets us nowhere
\ngets us nowhere
\nway too fast<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m in a light mood at the moment, coast\u00ading through the ear\u00adly hours of morn\u00ading with\u00adout much con\u00adcern. Seri\u00adous Sam 2 has proven too frus\u00adtrat\u00ading for enter\u00adtain\u00adment, and don\u2019t even get me start\u00aded on Street Fight\u00ader. My fin\u00adgers aren\u2019t entire\u00adly work\u00ading tonight, so I\u2019m los\u00ading hor\u00adren\u00addous\u00adly to Shin Aku\u00adma. This should\u00adn\u2019t be happening.<\/p>\n

I recent\u00adly fin\u00adished read\u00ading Math\u00adew Reily\u2019s Area 7<\/em>. It did\u00adn\u2019t have much effect on me. Action-ori\u00adent\u00aded nov\u00adels read the way action-ori\u00adent\u00aded movies watch: one time is usu\u00adal\u00adly enough. I enjoyed his ear\u00adli\u00ader nov\u00adel Con\u00adtest<\/em> more, but only because I con\u00adsid\u00adered the plot more inter\u00adest\u00ading. Any\u00adthing about the gen\u00ader\u00adal great\u00adness of the US Pres\u00adi\u00addent and his army auto\u00admat\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly gets a cyn\u00adi\u00adcal side-glance, so Area 7<\/em> had a tough fight from the begin\u00adning. That\u2019s not to say the ideas expressed in it weren\u2019t inter\u00adest\u00ading \u2014 there was some real\u00adly fan\u00adtas\u00adtic threads in the fab\u00adric of plot \u2014 but noth\u00ading that would forsee\u00adably make me want to read it again, as I\u2019ve done with Han\u00adni\u00adbal<\/em>, The Third Pan\u00addem\u00adic<\/em>, or Con\u00adtact<\/em>.<\/p>\n

but these words
\nthey can\u2019t replace
\nthe life you
\nthe life you waste<\/em><\/p>\n

So back to the affor\u00admen\u00adtioned peo\u00adple. \u201cWant is a grow\u00ading giant whom the coat of have was nev\u00ader large enough to cov\u00ader.<\/em>\u201d Unfor\u00adtu\u00adnate\u00adly, too true.<\/p>\n

Good night. :)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wednesday, July 02, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

6:03 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Aaron Lewis is an absolute\u00adly stun\u00adning singer. I\u2019ve found a few of Staind<\/a>\u2019s live per\u00adfor\u00admances in MPG for\u00admat, and his abil\u00adi\u00adty to car\u00adry a song is utter\u00adly incred\u00adi\u00adble. And he has real\u00adly beau\u00adti\u00adful lips. Hmm. Noth\u00ading much else to report of late. I\u2019ll be return\u00ading home for a week, see\u00ading my fam\u00adi\u00adly and cel\u00ade\u00adbrat\u00ading Dad\u2019s 50th, but that\u2019s a fort\u00adnight away.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been talk\u00ading to a friend about reli\u00adgion and physics via email for the last fews days, and my final con\u00adclu\u00adsion is this: my flat\u00admate can get stuffed. :P Don\u2019t mind the in-joke.<\/p>\n

Bed time, since it\u2019s now 6am again.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, June 30, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

10:45 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Just anoth\u00ader crack up.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Sunday, June 29, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:13 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Wow!<\/a>This is quite damn smart. Not quite sure about the wire\u00adless con\u00adnec\u00adtiv\u00adi\u00adty tho \u2014 I\u2019m more con\u00advinced that the data is stored and then uploaded upon phys\u00adi\u00adcal con\u00adnec\u00adtion. Of course, there\u2019s still holes in the the\u00ado\u00adry \u2014 Trin\u00adi\u00adty\u2019s death pre\u00addic\u00adtion? Or maybe that was assumed from the more thor\u00adough pre\u00addic\u00adtion of Neo\u2019s even\u00adtu\u00adal and unavoid\u00adable meet\u00ading with the Archi\u00adtect and Trin\u00adi\u00adty\u2019s known will\u00ading\u00adness to die for him. But to remove the wire\u00adless the\u00ado\u00adry would be to destroy the solu\u00adtion to Neo\u2019s Senti\u00adnal stop\u00adping. Hmm\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026inter\u00adest\u00ading.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, June 27, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:27 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

LOL<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, June 17, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

10:59 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Cough<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

3:16 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

I\u2019ve been fix\u00ading Mozblog this morn\u00ading, since it\u2019s cur\u00adrent\u00adly in a state of total, absolute use\u00adless\u00adness. Mess\u00ading around with files for hours result\u00aded in me re-read\u00ading almost the entire of my blog his\u00adto\u00adry. Whoa. Here\u2019s some\u00adthing I wrote at the begin\u00adning of this year:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cI\u2019d be equal\u00adly com\u00adfort\u00adable walk\u00ading off this cliff if it did\u00adn\u2019t affect any\u00adone else. The para\u00adchute would be my prob\u00adlem alone. In sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtions like this, what I fear most is that expec\u00adta\u00adtions and feel\u00adings can nev\u00ader be the same for two peo\u00adple, no mat\u00adter how much talky talky comes beforehand.<\/p>\n

See, my def\u00adi\u00adn\u00adi\u00adtion of \u2018rela\u00adtion\u00adship\u2019 isn\u2019t the one assumed by the \u2018scene\u2019; rela\u00adtion\u00adships aren\u2019t the fruit of a one-night-stand that does\u00adn\u2019t know when to stop, nor should they have a pre\u00adde\u00adter\u00admined expiry date. In some ways, I\u2019m hor\u00adri\u00adbly old-fash\u00adioned, even con\u00adser\u00adv\u00ada\u00adtive. I think there should be a prop\u00ader court\u00ading peri\u00adod; antic\u00adi\u00adpa\u00adtion and swoon\u00ading are part of the pack\u00adage and half of the impact.<\/p>\n

Some\u00adthing pre\u00adcious should be han\u00addled gen\u00adtly. I would have dif\u00adfi\u00adcul\u00adty know\u00ading after the fact that I rushed it and lost some\u00adthing in the process.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Holy shit. Who is this per\u00adson? It\u2019s me, I realise, and as the mem\u00ado\u00adry of writ\u00ading this comes back, so do the feel\u00adings. Warmth, gen\u00adtle\u00adness, a sense of float\u00ading and gid\u00addy\u00adness. Gawd, I real\u00adly do need to find the per\u00adson who I can make feel this way too.<\/p>\n

So, bared soul and all, I present myself to the world.<\/p>\n

In oth\u00ader, less strange and cer\u00adtain\u00adly less intim\u00adi\u00addat\u00ading news, my flat\u00admate and I took our oth\u00ader flat\u00admate out for Birth\u00adday Din\u00adner tonight. He\u2019s climb\u00ading the lad\u00adder of age with a renewed sense of style. Green is your colour, Bradley. Nai hiru\u00adva\u00adly\u00c3\u00ab n\u00c3\u00a9r i tul\u00adtuv\u2019 alass\u00c3\u00ab len.<\/p>\n

Back to Sea Song<\/em> by The Doves<\/em>. Beau\u00adti\u00adful. Loud, over\u00adbear\u00ading, rat\u00adtling my brain with gor\u00adgeous acoustic bass. I should be in bed! I\u2019m on the train to Wind\u00adsor at lunchtime to meet with friends for the night. Much com\u00adput\u00ader-relat\u00aded stuff to get through. I\u2019m such a wild char\u00adac\u00adter. :P Talk\u00ading of such, I might go out on Wednesday\/Thursday night and tempt fate\u2026<\/p>\n

Enough of me. With these dark piano chords bathing my brain with endor\u00adphins, I shalt dis\u00adap\u00adpear. Nam\u00c3\u00a1ri\u00c3\u00ab!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, June 06, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

2:13 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Wow \u2014 Enter The Matrix is real\u00adly quite bad. I won\u2019t rant for long, but it\u2019s pret\u00adty clear that Shiny either did\u00adn\u2019t get enough devel\u00adop\u00adment time for the game, or just out\u00adright neglect\u00aded the impact of using imma\u00adture tech\u00adnol\u00ado\u00adgy (ala Mes\u00adsi\u00adah) and as a result the game\u2019s con\u00adtent suf\u00adfered. A lot.<\/p>\n

The main rea\u00adson for the game\u2019s sales is undoubtably the extra movie footage. Peo\u00adple will be dis\u00adap\u00adpoint\u00aded to know that the major\u00adi\u00adty of this footage is bad\u00adly act\u00aded and poor\u00adly pro\u00adduced; spe\u00adcial effects aren\u2019t added in a num\u00adber of cas\u00ades, and to replace miss\u00ading live-action sequences, high-res ren\u00adders are made and then con\u00advert\u00aded into FMV. Very unprofessional.<\/p>\n

Game\u00adplay is rough. There are moments of bril\u00adliance, but there are equal moments of \u201cgrotes\u00adquery\u201d. Unfor\u00adtu\u00adnate\u00adly, even on a math\u00admat\u00adi\u00adcal scale this only makes the game aver\u00adage. The con\u00adcept must have proven wild\u00adly dif\u00adfer\u00adent from exe\u00adcu\u00adtion; I won\u00adder if this meet\u00ading of minds real\u00adly achieved any of either par\u00adty\u2019s ideals. Is David Per\u00adry los\u00ading it, or do the Wachowski\u2019s just not get gaming?<\/p>\n

The engine has it\u2019s virtues, but they\u2019re over\u00adshad\u00adowed by bugs. I have fond mem\u00ado\u00adries of Mes\u00adsi\u00adah\u2019s many char\u00adac\u00adter posi\u00adtion\u00ading prob\u00adlems. I was sur\u00adprised that so many have made the leap over. I got Niobe on top of a machine by reg\u00adu\u00adlar jump\u00ading, and she got stuck try\u00ading to stand \u2014 shuf\u00adfle jit\u00adter slide shuf\u00adfle shuf\u00adfle \u2014 and I was unable to do any\u00adthing about it. I gave up after a few min\u00adutes and reloaded the last save point.<\/p>\n

Hmm\u2026 sew\u00aders. The nuclear plant is prob\u00ada\u00adbly the most inter\u00adest\u00ading area, though its goal, like most of the oth\u00ader areas, is sim\u00adply a mat\u00adter of get\u00adting some\u00adwhere and not dying, then run\u00adning out again. Atten\u00adtion: THE HOVERCRAFT IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. I can\u2019t say much for the car chase scenes either; it\u2019s sim\u00adply a mat\u00adter of hold\u00ading down accel\u00ader\u00adate and dodg\u00ading a few cars occa\u00adsion\u00adal\u00adly. Com\u00adbat is one area where the game finds it\u2019s niche; the con\u00adtrol sys\u00adtem is sim\u00adple but offers quite a few moves, expand\u00adable by use of Focus. Cam\u00adera, as always in these third per\u00adson games, rarely finds a com\u00adfort\u00adable spot and feels the need to con\u00adstant\u00adly shift \u2014 lead\u00ading to me run\u00adning into Smith a num\u00adber of times, usu\u00adal\u00adly to my death. And here\u2019s some\u00adthing: when a gun runs out of bul\u00adlets and you\u2019re in pos\u00adses\u00adsion of anoth\u00ader firearm, don\u2019t shift back into com\u00adbat mode ran\u00addom\u00adly. This real\u00adly pissed me off.<\/p>\n

Whilst it does\u00adn\u2019t deserve to die a hor\u00adri\u00adble, painful death, Enter The Matrix could have been a lot bet\u00adter. Giv\u00aden some tru\u00adly inter\u00adest\u00ading mis\u00adsions and a lot less re-hash\u00ades of the film\u2019s scenes (thanks, Perse\u00adphone) I could have enjoyed this expe\u00adri\u00adence much more.<\/p>\n

Dave Per\u00adry \u2014 pick up your act!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, May 30, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

4:11 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

The Quan\u00adtum the\u00ado\u00adry of Sci\u00adence and God:The fruit of the Tree of Knowl\u00adedge gave us both the intel\u00adlect to prove God does\u00adn\u2019t exist and the self-doubt to still believe that He does.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

4:02 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Don\u2019t wor\u00adry St George<\/a> \u2014 you can be sure that I\u2019m rethink\u00ading you<\/em>. Heav\u00adi\u00adly rethink\u00ading you, main\u00adly because your web\u00adsite is down half the time and when I can<\/em> access it, your daft inter\u00adnet bank\u00ading page gives me login errors. Oh, and your $72 worth of \u201cadmin\u00adis\u00adtra\u00adtion fees\u201d, plus the Eft\u00adpos Usage fees, Non-StGe\u00adorge ATM fees and Inter\u00adnet Bank\u00ading fees. But please know that I appre\u00adci\u00adate last mon\u00adth\u2019s cred\u00adit\u00aded inter\u00adest \u2014 $0.01 on the last unnec\u00ades\u00adsary snail\u00admail state\u00adment \u2014 but not when your next action is to take out $0.01 in deb\u00adit inter\u00adest! Is any\u00adone at the wheel?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, May 24, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

1:52 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

LOL! In a dis\u00adcus\u00adsion on Slash\u00addot about SCO\u2019s recent attack to IBM\u2019s Lin\u00adux arm, Dai\u00adly\u00adGrind wrote this enter\u00adtain\u00ading com\u00adment<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, May 23, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

5:14 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Home sweet home. I return after a week in the bush with my family.\u2013<\/p>\n

Why is it so dif\u00adfi\u00adcult to find some\u00adone young who wants some\u00adthing real?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, May 17, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

2:15 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Reloaded = Incred\u00adi\u00adble. Except for the sex.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, May 13, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

8:55 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

The video card bench\u00admark\u00ading scene annoys me a lot. Minor nig\u00adgles could keep me typ\u00ading all night, so I\u2019ll just say that its major prob\u00adlem is the unfair com\u00adpar\u00adi\u00adson of cards from dif\u00adfer\u00adent gen\u00ader\u00ada\u00adtions. The card design\u00aders must spend months attempt\u00ading to dis\u00adtin\u00adguish their prod\u00aduct from oth\u00aders on the mar\u00adket \u2014 nec\u00ades\u00adsary to progress the field \u2014 but are then torn down by Ran\u00addom Review\u00ader #17 whose total analy\u00adsis of a prod\u00aducts is \u201cBut it\u2019s not as fast as XXX\u2019s last card!!\u201cIt becomes a cycle: the heav\u00adi\u00adly blink\u00adered pub\u00adlic imme\u00addi\u00adate\u00adly come to the con\u00adclu\u00adsion that\u2019s it\u2019s not worth buy\u00ading, even though only 5% of them could even afford the card any\u00adway. This pub\u00adlic opin\u00adion get to the com\u00adpa\u00adny and through to the mar\u00adket\u00adting depart\u00adment, who pres\u00adsure the devel\u00adop\u00adment teams to release some\u00adthing else a lit\u00adtle faster to beat the com\u00adpeti\u00adtor in the next round of benchmarks.<\/p>\n

In the mid\u00addle of this are the design\u00aders, whose pri\u00adma\u00adry inter\u00adest does\u00adn\u2019t lie in the mar\u00adket share or get\u00adting Seri\u00adous Sam to run anoth\u00ader 4 FPS faster to sat\u00adis\u00adfy some over\u00adclock\u00ading-junkie. They have a per\u00adson\u00adal inter\u00adest in build\u00ading bet\u00adter<\/em> com\u00adpo\u00adnents, with pro\u00adgram\u00adma\u00adbil\u00adi\u00adty, enhanced range of colour, eas\u00adi\u00ader devel\u00adop\u00adment, more sta\u00adbil\u00adi\u00adty \u2014 not just a speed increase. It\u2019s the thrill of mak\u00ading some\u00adthing more exten\u00adsi\u00adble and future proof, some\u00adthing sus\u00adtain\u00adable, reusable, cheaper.<\/p>\n

\u2026and this is where the ulti\u00admate\u00adly point\u00adless release of \u201cUltra\u201d prod\u00aducts come from. The push\u00ading of a few speed bar\u00adri\u00aders and upping mem\u00ado\u00adry does\u00adn\u2019t advance the mar\u00adket; it sim\u00adply appeas\u00ades the review\u00aders and gets a few page hits. Devel\u00adop\u00adment time is bet\u00adter spent cre\u00adat\u00ading new meth\u00adods for nec\u00ades\u00adsary fea\u00adtures. Can you real\u00adly tell the dif\u00adfer\u00adent between 125 and 130 FPS? Is it real\u00adly nec\u00ades\u00adsary to have 8X antialias\u00ading on at 1600x1200?<\/p>\n

A few years ago when the first gen\u00ader\u00ada\u00adtion of Hard\u00adware T&L was revealed, 3DFX put the mar\u00adket\u00adting droids at Def\u00adcon 1 to douse the flames of resent\u00adment toward it\u2019s own crud\u00addy and ill-timed releas\u00ades. It was rel\u00ada\u00adtive\u00adly suc\u00adcess\u00adful: review\u00aders ran around yelp\u00ading about the total use\u00adless\u00adness of H T&L. Well, let\u2019s have a look at the mar\u00adket now and what fea\u00adtures are on every sin\u00adgle good graph\u00adics card.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a good exam\u00adple of review\u00ader rhetoric<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cStill, the FX 5900 is tuned to take advan\u00adtage of fea\u00adtures in games that haven\u2019t arrived yet.<\/p>\n

One new func\u00adtion, Ultra\u00adShad\u00adow, will ren\u00adder shad\u00adows and scenes more quick\u00adly and effi\u00adcient\u00adly, mak\u00ading games such as yet-to-be-released Doom III, Half-Life 2, and Aqua\u00admark 3 run faster and smoother, accord\u00ading to NVidia.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s tough to ver\u00adi\u00adfy at this point, how\u00adev\u00ader, because Direc\u00adtX 9 titles are yet to be found.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Fun\u00adny that! I\u2019m not impressed that I can\u2019t play Seri\u00adous Sam two per\u00adcent faster. I\u2019m glad that the new future-proof hard\u00adware fea\u00adtures were enough to con\u00advince this review\u00ader not to use two-year-old-engine bench\u00admarks to damn a new video card pur\u00adpose\u00adly built to sup\u00adport a ver\u00adsion of Direc\u00adtX that the game does\u00adn\u2019t even use! Whew, I would\u00adn\u2019t be able to get by with\u00adout this kind of qual\u00adi\u00adty assessment.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, May 12, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

5:09 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Fuck! Seri\u00adous blonde moment!Will explain later\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

3:46 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Did\u00adn\u2019t realise at the time that the care\u00adbear jpg was so hor\u00adren\u00addous. Apolo\u00adgies to those of you who expe\u00adri\u00adenced seizures attempt\u00ading to read the text. Please don\u2019t sue. Life moves swift\u00adly on. I shall be vis\u00adit\u00ading anoth\u00ader great Aus\u00adtralian city soon, our own cor\u00adrup\u00adtion cap\u00adi\u00adtal, Can\u00adber\u00adra. I\u2019m think\u00ading of vis\u00adit\u00ading Yarralum\u00adla with a pick\u00adet whilst I\u2019m there\u2026 great dick\u00adhead. What kind of moron<\/a> does\u00adn\u2019t report sex\u00adu\u00adal abuse in the church, espe\u00adcial\u00adly when he\u2019s in such a posi\u00adtion? Legal oblig\u00ada\u00adtions stopped him? Bah.<\/p>\n

On a friend\u00adlier note, Quenya steadi\u00adly improves. I\u2019ve fin\u00adished the course I start\u00aded a while back, and now it\u2019s real\u00adly the vocab I have to work on. \/me is lov\u00ading learn\u00ading lan\u00adguage. Melin i Eldalambe!<\/p>\n

Jason and I are doing a road trip to Artar\u00admon for some\u00adthing off Ebay this week. Lucky bug\u00adger\u2019s also got a job inter\u00adview, so he may escape the orbit of our cur\u00adrent employ\u00ader and leave the rest of us in the dust.<\/p>\n

X Men 2 was\/is fan\u00adtas\u00adtic\u2026 and so is Bob\u00adby (smacks lips). Storm con\u00adtin\u00adues to suck. I don\u2019t have any\u00adthing par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar against Halle Berry, but she\u2019d bet\u00adter get some stronger parts and some lines that aren\u2019t filler in the next movie. Go Gene! She\u2019s awe\u00adsome and does a great job all the way through the film. I still can\u2019t stand Scott. Wolver\u00adine is bril\u00adliant, but his hair\u2019s get\u00adting a lit\u00adtle out of con\u00adtrol, and we did\u00adn\u2019t see enough skin. :P<\/p>\n

Rogue\u2026 sigh. Dippy.<\/p>\n

The sto\u00adry\u00adline is excel\u00adlent, far beyond what I expect\u00aded for a sequel. I\u2019m impressed that they kept the exact visu\u00adal style of the first movie \u2014 no stu\u00adpid exper\u00adi\u00admen\u00adtal fuck\u00ading-around. Shows what comes from a clear\u00adly-defined vision. And My God, what an incred\u00adi\u00adble intro\u00adduc\u00adtion! Incred\u00adi\u00adble! Ragh!<\/p>\n

Before I\u2019d seen the movie, a friend of mine point\u00aded out the par\u00adal\u00adlel between mutants and homo\u00adsex\u00adu\u00adals (nev\u00ader used those two words in a sen\u00adtence before \u2014 heh). I\u2019m sure it\u2019s been raised before, espe\u00adcial\u00adly with Mag\u00adne\u00adto\u2019s cast\u00ading, but I had to laugh at the dry humour in Bob\u00adby\u2019s com\u00ading-out scene. It was prob\u00ada\u00adbly intend\u00aded, prob\u00ada\u00adbly even based on the real thing. Some par\u00adents react exact\u00adly like that \u2014 as if par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar attrib\u00adut\u00ades such as sex\u00adu\u00adal\u00adi\u00adty are some\u00adthing that can be just turned off. It\u2019s sad\u00adden\u00ading and annoy\u00ading that grown ups can be so obliv\u00adi\u00adous to their chil\u00addren\u2019s psy\u00adcho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal need for accep\u00adtance. Of course, your younger broth\u00ader does\u00adn\u2019t usu\u00adal\u00adly call the local SWAT team when he finds out you like guys\u2026 but Bob\u00adby, there\u2019s always a place for you here. :P<\/p>\n

Any\u00adway, enough ram\u00adbling. I want to be up rel\u00ada\u00adtive\u00adly<\/em> ear\u00adly today. \u2018Night :)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Thursday, May 08, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

2:37 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

\"Nihilist
\nNihilist Bear Which Dys\u00adfunc\u00adtion\u00adal Care Bear Are You?<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

brought to you by Quizil\u00adla<\/a><\/font><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Friday, May 02, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

1:18 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

I\u2019ve fall\u00aden in love with a new band: Evanes\u00adcence. It was the obvi\u00adous \u2014 the Dare\u00addev\u00adil Sound\u00adtrack title \u201cBring Me To Life\u201d \u2014 which brought me to their altar. I was lis\u00adten\u00ading to Ran\u00addom Rock Hits Sta\u00adtion #10 this arvo as I hung the wash\u00ading out\u2026 the piano intro caught my ear, and I rushed in to lis\u00adten. Before the song had fin\u00adished, I had the name and lyrics via the net.<\/p>\n

Damn good music!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, April 28, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

4:13 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Well, that\u2019s that. No more all-Quenya blog entries. For those of you in the audi\u00adence who could under\u00adstand it (thus also being able to point out the many mis\u00adtakes and mis\u00adus\u00ades of gram\u00admar) the sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion is resolved, quite happily.<\/p>\n

Lal\u00c3\u00abany\u00c3\u00ab!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, April 26, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:22 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

N\u00c3\u00ab arwa mau\u00adr\u00c3\u00ab quet\u00c3\u00ab sin, nan umen quet\u00c3\u00abs lam\u00adbenyass\u00c3\u00ab. Estelinya yara ver\u00adnonyass\u00c3\u00ab oan\u00adti\u00c3\u00ab, ar um\u00c3\u00ab pelu\u00adva. Antanyes melm\u00c3\u00ab ar imb\u00c3\u00ab l\u00c3\u00ba\u00admi han\u00addo, nan sin n\u00c3\u00a1 i pusti\u00c3\u00ab.<\/p>\n

I n\u00c3\u00a9r hires ar car\u00c3\u00ab ver\u00adnos ratou\u00adva i noa mail\u00adevas, nan umes u\u2011voronda.<\/p>\n

Ainu um\u00c3\u00ab pol\u00c3\u00ab \u00c3\u00aba amba\u00adress\u00c3\u00ab ve sin, neri u\u2011vorond\u00c3\u00ab na i n\u00c3\u00bara melent\u00c3\u00ab\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, April 19, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

12:42 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

well fuck them
\nand fuck her
\nand fuck him
\nand fuck you
\nfor not having
\nthe strength in your heart
\nto pull through
\ni\u2019ve had doubts
\ni have failed
\ni\u2019ve fucked up
\ni\u2019ve had plans
\ndoes\u00adn\u2019t mean
\ni should take
\nmy life with
\nmy own hands\u00adbut these words
\nthey can\u2019t repace
\nthe life you\u2026
\n\u2026the life you waste<\/p>\n

Staind\u2019s \u201cWaste\u201d is a song with a beau\u00adty that can only come with deep sad\u00adness and anger.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Thursday, April 17, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:46 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

I\u2019ve gone to make a post, and realised that I\u2019ve got noth\u00ading to say. Today my flat\u00admate attempt\u00aded to del\u00adi\u00adcate\u00adly tell me that my writ\u00ading style is too anal for a weblog. :P He\u2019ll cringe read\u00ading that, but I appre\u00adci\u00adate know\u00ading what peo\u00adple think, and I real\u00adly do appre\u00adci\u00adate his input. Maybe I should<\/em> loosen up.<\/p>\n

Erm.. how do I do that?<\/p>\n

Oh\u2026 xhva.net<\/a> is live. Come and visit.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wednesday, April 09, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

3:26 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

<\/a>Great dinosaur comics from a great writer who\u2019s also a great guy<\/strong>: http:\/\/www.qwantz.com<\/a>. High\u00adly rec\u00adom\u00admend\u00aded. I\u2019ve laughed my arse off sev\u00ader\u00adal times.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wednesday, April 02, 2003<\/h2>\n
\n

5:26 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

My great\u00adest oppo\u00adnent has always been myself. I haven\u2019t analysed this enough to say whether its cause is a con\u00adsis\u00adtent state of loathing or denial, or just a gen\u00ader\u00adal lack of momen\u00adtum in my life. Moti\u00adva\u00adtion comes in bursts of nec\u00ades\u00adsary func\u00adtion; in some ways I can blame my genet\u00adic make\u00adup, my strange child\u00adhood, and even the way I\u2019ve been treat\u00aded by some mem\u00adbers of soci\u00adety. A part of this also comes from the meth\u00adods I\u2019ve used to analyse those around me: step back, watch, under\u00adstand, inter\u00adact. After a while that approach alien\u00adates you from oth\u00ader mem\u00adbers of your own species, enough that hav\u00ading a \u201cnor\u00admal\u201d con\u00adver\u00adsa\u00adtion is like the end\u00adless rep\u00ade\u00adti\u00adtion of nails down a black\u00adboard. It\u2019s easy enough to blame the envi\u00adron\u00admen\u00adtal influ\u00adences, even the genet\u00adic ones. I\u2019ve seen it exhib\u00adit\u00aded to an extreme in oth\u00aders, and just above I\u2019ve used it to some\u00adhow jus\u00adti\u00adfy my lack of influ\u00adence on my own sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtions. How\u00adev\u00ader, this is self-defeat\u00ading: if I believe in evo\u00adlu\u00adtion I also have to believe that it\u2019s some\u00adhow affect\u00aded not just be genet\u00adic changes, but by soci\u00adetal and indi\u00advid\u00adual under\u00adstand\u00ading \u2014 not chang\u00ading the mol\u00ade\u00adc\u00adu\u00adlar struc\u00adture, but just know\u00ading what infor\u00adma\u00adtion to let run through it. In short, if I don\u2019t change the way I think or the way I absorb infor\u00adma\u00adtion, I \u2014 and we \u2014 don\u2019t grow.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m get\u00adting too meta\u00adphys\u00adi\u00adcal here for half past four in the morning.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t see the world like a lot of peo\u00adple do, as an expe\u00adri\u00adence to col\u00adlect totems of com\u00adfort on their way to the grave. In some ways, I even see the work some peo\u00adple do as rep\u00adre\u00adsent\u00ading the same: it\u2019s a com\u00adfort zone. I see hun\u00addreds of peo\u00adple each day who are apa\u00adthet\u00adic sim\u00adply because they\u2019ve reached that point in their lives where there\u2019s noth\u00ading more to accom\u00adplish, noth\u00ading more to see, noth\u00ading more to place bets on. I am half-half as to whether I\u2019m one of these peo\u00adple. In some ways, the rut I\u2019ve become entrenched in scares me, but at the same time I feel the com\u00adfort of rou\u00adtine, of know\u00ading what comes next week. The one over\u00adrid\u00ading feel\u00ading now is: do I care enough to wor\u00adry about being apathetic?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe in let\u00adting my mind rest for any sub\u00adstan\u00adtial amount of time. This is where my defen\u00adsive pow\u00aders kick in and I inform the mass\u00ades that I spend a great deal of time build\u00ading and cre\u00adat\u00ading things that are impor\u00adtant to me, even to the point where oth\u00aders don\u2019t under\u00adstand the sig\u00adnif\u00adi\u00adcance at all. In most cas\u00ades, I just don\u2019t care. I\u2019m learn\u00ading Elvish for this rea\u00adson. I\u2019ve been asked why I\u2019d want to learn a lan\u00adguage that\u2019s so obvi\u00adous\u00adly use\u00adless, and I respond by say\u00ading that I find it inter\u00adest\u00ading, and that it\u2019s teach\u00ading me things about lan\u00adguage that I did\u00adn\u2019t know, and I\u2019m find\u00ading ful\u00adfil\u00adment in just learn\u00ading some\u00adthing new. Noble caus\u00ades, etc etc. Weeks are spent tin\u00adker\u00ading with ideas for designs that are nev\u00ader seen by anoth\u00ader liv\u00ading being; there are draw\u00ading that sit unpub\u00adlished in my draw\u00ader, pro\u00adgrams wait\u00ading to be shared, weblogs about me and for me.<\/p>\n

So maybe this is some kind of lame attempt to influ\u00adence myself to stay in the rut until it rains and I drown. There\u2019s part of me that does\u00adn\u2019t care about los\u00ading three days of my week just so I can be myself for the rest. There\u2019s a resent\u00adment towards the typ\u00adi\u00adcal \u201c9 to 5\u201d job that I can\u2019t shake, and I don\u2019t know if I ever will. I hate the idea of spend\u00ading most of my life build\u00ading some one else\u2019s tem\u00adple just to find that it\u2019s being used as a market.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m greedy, I\u2019m self-cen\u00adtred, and I\u2019m very hard to moti\u00advate beyond sim\u00adple call\u00adings. These are my faults. Greedy with the time I\u2019ve been alot\u00adted to live, self-cen\u00adtred because I\u2019m loathe to give this time up, hard to moti\u00advate because I hate being con\u00advinced; this makes me very self-right\u00adeous, and I\u2019m sound\u00ading like a snot. But fuck it, this is me: the only thing that tru\u00adly influ\u00adences the way I see the world is the love of anoth\u00ader per\u00adson. In the absense of love, my time is my time. In the pres\u00adence of it, I will\u00ading\u00adly make my time theirs.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve just read over this, and as expect\u00aded, it makes no sense and has no cohe\u00adsive man\u00adner. Even the writ\u00ading style changes grad\u00adu\u00adal\u00adly. The whole entry is a thin\u00adly-veiled excuse to hide my fear of change, a whol\u00adly unwor\u00adthy jus\u00adti\u00adfi\u00adca\u00adtion for being angry at a world that already takes too much time from what I con\u00adsid\u00ader my improve\u00adment. Push me as hard as you can.<\/p>\n

It may seem that I\u2019m always drag\u00adging you through the dirt, but don\u2019t be fooled by the writ\u00adings of an irra\u00adtional mind: the com\u00adbined self is lighter than the weight of it\u2019s indi\u00advid\u00adual parts. I write to pro\u00advoke, but I live much hap\u00adpi\u00ader than I read. View\u00ading the world through jad\u00aded eyes is more exhil\u00ada\u00adrat\u00ading than you think \u2014 it pro\u00advides so many oppor\u00adtu\u00adni\u00adties to be wrong about human nature, and I find that uplifting.<\/p>\n

\u2018Night.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Thursday, March 20, 2003<\/h2>\n
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3:31 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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MozBlog is play\u00ading up. Ver\u00adsion 0.6b14 is incred\u00adi\u00adbly bug\u00adgy, and I dare say even more so now that I\u2019ve installed Mozil\u00adla 1.3. If this blog seems a lit\u00adtle bare for a week or two, that\u2019s why. I hate using the Blog\u00adger web inter\u00adface \u2014 for some rea\u00adson the text entry box is incred\u00adi\u00adbly thin on Mozil\u00adla \u2014 and I\u2019ve already tried play\u00ading with ear\u00adli\u00ader ver\u00adsions of MozBlog to fix it. I have no doubt it\u2019s most\u00adly the fault of Moz 1.3\u2019s XMLRPC mod\u00adule, or some\u00adthing. Life con\u00adtin\u00adues on as it always done. I\u2019m get\u00adting fur\u00adther with the Quenya stuff, although get\u00adting frus\u00adtrat\u00aded as some obscene\u00adly obscure phras\u00ading used in the end-of-chap\u00adter tests. I also wish they were longer and used more vocab\u00adu\u00adlary; there\u2019s a few words slip\u00adping away from instant rec\u00adol\u00adlec\u00adtion sim\u00adply because I don\u2019t use them much.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m about to start chas\u00ading some\u00adthing that could give me an out\u00adlet for the love I\u2019ve been bot\u00adtling away. Pray for me, etc etc. Less luck and more courage is what I need.<\/p>\n

Audio\u00adscrob\u00adbler is real\u00adly kewl.<\/p>\n

Bed\u00adtime.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, March 08, 2003<\/h2>\n
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1:06 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Don\u00adnie Darko is an inter\u00adest\u00ading piece of proph\u00adesy. I imag\u00adine his path through time as being akin to a loop on a roller-coast\u00ader: after the loop, you\u2019re returned to the point before it, with only the mem\u00ado\u00adry of the expe\u00adri\u00adence to prove it ever hap\u00adpened. So is the whole movie about clos\u00ading the loop and real\u00adis\u00ading why the engine fell? Reach\u00ading clo\u00adsure on a pos\u00adsi\u00adble future path? Real\u00adis\u00ading how his actions, direct\u00adly caused by a pos\u00adsi\u00adble future, could affect the peo\u00adple around him? Tak\u00ading responsibility?The script is open-end\u00aded so we can pon\u00adder this end\u00adless\u00adly, like his Believer\/Agnostic\/Athiest argu\u00adment in the movie. We nev\u00ader know exact\u00adly why or how he knew, or even if he did. Does he solve his sleep walk\u00ading and\/or men\u00adtal prob\u00adlem when he final\u00adly lies in bed to sleep? Was he man\u00adi\u00adfest\u00ading it him\u00adself? Was it that he nev\u00ader had an ill\u00adness at all?<\/p>\n

I have a feel\u00ading that there are two con\u00adclu\u00adsions to reach about the ending:<\/p>\n

A) The engine is actu\u00adal\u00adly iden\u00adti\u00adfied by the FAA author\u00adi\u00adties. The plane is found. There is a present-time log\u00adi\u00adcal rea\u00adson for the engine\u2019s exis\u00adtence. The entire movie is an imag\u00adin\u00ading by Don\u00adnie, start\u00ading at the time when he gets back to the house that morn\u00ading. Do we, or Don\u00adnie, see the swirl on the engine nose that starts this whole episode? Fur\u00adther\u00admore, is the end\u00ading there\u00adfor imag\u00adined too? Is this Don\u00adnie\u2019s way to say good\u00adbye with\u00adout accept\u00ading respon\u00adsi\u00adbil\u00adi\u00adty for his death and the pos\u00adsi\u00adble future? Does he actu\u00adal\u00adly die?<\/p>\n

B) The engine exists only because of the events that take place if Don\u00adnie lives. His direct actions in this future affect the past as to cre\u00adate this future \u2014 the per\u00adfect cir\u00adcu\u00adlar ref\u00ader\u00adence. What then hap\u00adpens if Don\u00adnie does\u00adn\u2019t live? The engine isn\u2019t spawned from the worm\u00adhole. How then does Don\u00adnie die? When he stays in his bed, does he do so in the knowl\u00adedge that he won\u2019t die because he won\u2019t live? At the moment when Schro\u00adding\u00ader\u2019s Cat<\/a> is observed, is Don\u00adnie both dead and alive? Our vis\u00adi\u00adble present-path is cre\u00adat\u00aded exact\u00adly when we expe\u00adri\u00adence it. Maybe Don\u00adnie woke up that morn\u00ading, hav\u00ading con\u00adquered his men\u00adtal prob\u00adlems, and realised his abil\u00adi\u00adty to cre\u00adate the future he wants.<\/p>\n

The prob\u00adlem would be much less if we could see those future-paths (the vis\u00adi\u00adble water-like worm\u00adholes) all through the movie. I feel as though the movie is a piece-togeth\u00ader of many mil\u00adlions of dif\u00adfer\u00adent choic\u00ades that Don\u00adnie made. I was intrigued by the \u201cknots\u201d in the vis\u00adi\u00adble future-paths; is this where Don\u00adnie made deci\u00adsions on which future we\u2019re see\u00ading? If he turned around half-way up the stairs and did\u00adn\u2019t find his father\u2019s gun, which branch of the deci\u00adsion-tree would we be on? How would this affect the out\u00adcome? The gun that \u201ckills\u201d Frank solved his men\u00adtal prob\u00adlems: a sym\u00adbol\u00adic way of \u201cover\u00adcom\u00ading\u201d these strange visions. When Frank dies, the world ends.<\/p>\n

Wax\u00ading far too philo\u00adsoph\u00adi\u00adcal tonight. I\u2019ll stop now and debate it tomor\u00adrow at work.<\/p>\n

Any\u00adway, good movie. Don\u00adnie is played by a very tal\u00adent\u00aded actor, and a very good look\u00ading one at that. He can adopt that same off\u00adbeat, almost evil look that I love so much in Edward Nor\u00adton. Patrick Swayze is real\u00adly annoy\u00ading. I like Lena tho. And the woman who played the moth\u00ader is real\u00adly fantastic.<\/p>\n

Tired. I\u2019m walk\u00ading to work because I\u2019m broke. Hav\u00ading lost the final stitch\u00ades a week ago, I went back and had more den\u00adtal work done. No stitch\u00ades this time, but some fill\u00adings. Boy, that big drill can cause some seri\u00adous nerve-twitch\u00ading. It could do some real dam\u00adage in the hand of a lunatic. Lucky I trust my den\u00adtist enough to close my eyes and let him go.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s an inter\u00adest\u00ading psy\u00adcho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal nuance\u2026 clos\u00ading my eyes and let\u00adting him work either sig\u00adni\u00adfies that I trust him implic\u00adit\u00adly, or that I\u2019m sub\u00adcon\u00adscious\u00adly afraid of his \u2018means to and end\u2019 method and don\u2019t want to know how these things are being achieved. Hmm. Have to think about this one for a while. I\u2019m usu\u00adal\u00adly inter\u00adest\u00aded in know\u00ading, in the\u00ado\u00adry, how these things work; prac\u00adtise is a dif\u00adfer\u00adent thing alto\u00adgeth\u00ader. My teeth are my pet hate, the part of my body I\u2019m most self-con\u00adscious about, and like most hates, the eas\u00adi\u00adest way to deal with it is to ignore it\u2026 that I did, and did well. Now, I\u2019m spend\u00ading a lot of time, pain and mon\u00adey in order to learn to love my teeth again.<\/p>\n

I feel like Edi\u00adna from Ab Fab, squat\u00adting over a hand-mir\u00adror in order to learn to love her\u2026<\/p>\n

A big pot\u00adhole in my men\u00adtal road which I will fix.<\/p>\n

Life seems, so far, and at least in this casu\u00adal West\u00adern world, to be about learn\u00ading to love the parts of your\u00adself you hate.<\/p>\n

Good\u00adnight.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, March 04, 2003<\/h2>\n
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1:19 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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Some\u00adthing real\u00adly emp\u00adty. Don\u2019t expect to make any sense of this blog, because it\u2019s just going to be me ram\u00adbling on, a voice with\u00adout def\u00adi\u00adn\u00adi\u00adtion, akin to that \u201cstream of con\u00adscious\u201d idea.<\/p>\n

\u201cSea song\u201d by The Doves is real\u00adly bad until you hear it through head\u00adphones in a foul mood. Then it takes on a whole new lev\u00adel, strong and com\u00adfort\u00ading, incred\u00adi\u00adbly rich and emo\u00adtive. I need bet\u00adter head\u00adphones or bet\u00adter ears.<\/p>\n

Real\u00adly bad mood.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t quite under\u00adstand why so, either, but it\u2019s just come on, maybe as a sequel to the tid\u00adings of hate I was so will\u00ading to show on the week\u00adend. I had an incred\u00adi\u00adbly test\u00ading fri\u00adday + week\u00adend. Work was fucked, use\u00adful sup\u00adport\u00ading staff came to a total of one, and I left for lunch late both Sat and Sun because no one was there to cov\u00ader for me. The staff mem\u00adber who usu\u00adal\u00adly cov\u00adered my lunch was brought in ear\u00adli\u00ader that morn\u00ading to cov\u00ader the boss\u00ades\u2019 arse instead. For the sec\u00adond week in a row.<\/p>\n

Now lis\u00adten\u00ading to: The Requiem (Clint Mansell) | Sea Song (The Doves)<\/p>\n

Now burn\u00ading kar\u00adma for: pret\u00adty much everyone<\/p>\n

\u2013<\/p>\n

How do we visu\u00adalise music?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m lis\u00adten\u00ading intent\u00adly to low\u00ader, soft\u00ader chords, and with my eyes closed, I\u2019m paw\u00ading through the music to hear them, as if the notes are dis\u00adap\u00adpear\u00ading under\u00adwa\u00adter and I can only see so far down; a visu\u00adal image tied into the phon\u00adic sen\u00adso\u00adry. I think this is an inter\u00adest\u00ading part of psy\u00adchol\u00ado\u00adgy. How much do the sens\u00ades \u2018bleed\u2019 into each oth\u00ader? I was intox\u00adi\u00adcat\u00aded by the idea of smell being the sense most direct\u00adly con\u00adnect\u00aded to the brain \u2014 thanks, Thomas Har\u00adris \u2014 and I have noticed that it brings faster visu\u00adal imagery than any oth\u00ader sen\u00adso\u00adry input (at least in my body). I\u2019ll learn about this at some point.<\/p>\n

I wish this last stitch in my upper back gum would fall out.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going now. The inter\u00adnal fire will burn out before I burn any\u00adone else with it, so don\u2019t wor\u00adry about me\u2026 \u2018night. Nam\u00c3\u00a1ri\u00c3\u00ab, Ambar; lelya ar lan\u00adta mir cilya.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Saturday, February 22, 2003<\/h2>\n
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1:29 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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I feel total\u00adly emo\u00adtion\u00adal\u00adly spent after watch\u00ading Requiem for a Dream<\/em>. I\u2019m left with a sense of absolute des\u00ado\u00adla\u00adtion, some\u00adthing beyond tears and beyond com\u00adfort\u00ading, that I haven\u2019t felt since Dancer in the Dark<\/em>. It is an incred\u00adi\u00adble film, painful\u00adly real and dis\u00adturb\u00ading. I\u2019m not eas\u00adi\u00adly affect\u00aded by movies. I tend to absorb them more than watch, and the full effect of some\u00adthing like Dancer<\/em> slow\u00adly creeps through me instead of hit\u00adting dead on. I don\u2019t know whether that\u2019s a good thing or not, since it speaks more of my psy\u00adchol\u00ado\u00adgy than I\u2019d like to admit.<\/p>\n

I spent a great deal of my child\u00adhood think\u00ading about chances lost, and even now that\u2019s prob\u00ada\u00adbly what takes most of my idle CPU time. I\u2019ve nev\u00ader quite stepped up to the plate to beat this. In the slow res\u00adig\u00adna\u00adtion that dawned around the age of thir\u00adteen, I came to a point where I could\u00adn\u2019t find tears any\u00admore. I\u2019d sit out\u00adside on our cement dri\u00adve\u00adway and feel the air kick around me, eyes shut, lis\u00adten\u00ading to the heli\u00adcopter tree above, forc\u00ading myself to feel. Back then it was the lost of a good friend, and the under\u00adstand\u00ading that I might nev\u00ader get to say how much I loved him. That, I sup\u00adpose, was the expe\u00adri\u00adence that brought on my fear of emo\u00adtion\u00adal apa\u00adthy and an inter\u00adest in psy\u00adchol\u00ado\u00adgy. One day I will under\u00adstand why, back then, I felt it nec\u00ades\u00adsary to make myself cry over loss.<\/p>\n

And it makes me won\u00adder how many oth\u00ader chil\u00addren had lives like mine. The scars beneath their con\u00adscious minds are no more vis\u00adi\u00adble to my eyes than mine to theirs. In a social\u00adly con\u00addi\u00adtioned world it makes no dif\u00adfer\u00adence what you have been, just what you are at the point of impact. Dig\u00adging into the reg\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly land-filled trench\u00ades of my mind and those around me is, I sup\u00adpose, what life is all about.<\/p>\n

Emo\u00adtions take time to devel\u00adop in me. I can\u2019t be over\u00adwhelmed eas\u00adi\u00adly. I\u2019ve been known to get psy\u00adchot\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly hap\u00adpy in the pres\u00adence of a select group, but over\u00adall I see the world from a few steps back, close enough to feel the heat but far enough to not get burnt. I think this will change slow\u00adly, and it will be a con\u00adscious deci\u00adsion; in real\u00adi\u00adty it\u2019s a defen\u00adsive manoeu\u00advre, based in fear, and I\u2019ll even\u00adtu\u00adal\u00adly learn when it\u2019s become unnecessary.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time for me to go to bed. Maybe after a few games of that under-pro\u00adduced Cap\u00adcom game, Cap\u00adcom vs SNK 2 Alpha Tur\u00adbo: Bunch Of Ran\u00addom Chal\u00adlengers Thrown Togeth\u00ader For Fan\u00adboys Like You 2003<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Thursday, February 20, 2003<\/h2>\n
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3:39 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
\n

Sur\u00adpris\u00ading\u00adly accept\u00adable. The pain is, so far, less than I was expe\u00adri\u00adenc\u00ading with the teeth still in. I expect this to change, at least for a while lat\u00ader tonight. I always find it fun\u00adny that peo\u00adple assume I\u2019m straight. \u201cAny future girl\u00adfriends\u2026\u201d da da da. I have to laugh. I feel like I\u2019m infil\u00adtrat\u00ading some secret boys\u2019 club.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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12:12 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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Just had two teeth pulled. I\u2019m still numb, so if I\u2019m still alive in two hours, I\u2019ll let the world know how my mouth feels.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Tuesday, February 18, 2003<\/h2>\n
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5:35 AM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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Oh Cap\u00adcom, oh Nin\u00adten\u00addo, let me count the ways in which Cap\u00adcom vs SNK 2<\/em> on the Game\u00adcube sucks don\u00adkey arse. The bane of humankind begins with the joy\u00adpad. Rev\u00ado\u00adlu\u00adtion\u00adary, yes, if all games used at most two but\u00adtons. How\u00adev\u00ader, Nin\u00adten\u00addo, in the real world, there\u2019s more than two func\u00adtions in a game; not every\u00adthing is a Mario clone or Poke\u00admon fuck\u00ading Bat\u00adtle menus. Your choice of pad lay\u00adout is beyond human suf\u00adfer\u00ading. I fought with the Dream\u00adcast for a while until I final\u00adly accept\u00aded the four-but\u00adton lay\u00adout ala SNES, but what you\u2019ve deliv\u00adered isn\u2019t just dif\u00adfer\u00adent, it\u2019s like con\u00adtrol\u00adling a game with a heat-affect\u00aded Rubiks cube.<\/p>\n

Cap\u00adcom should pay here too. Your choice to pro\u00advide an utter\u00adly fuck\u00ading incom\u00adpre\u00adhen\u00adsi\u00adbly stu\u00adpid GC-ISM mode pro\u00admotes new\u00adbies to be pulling Drag\u00adon Punch\u00ades and lev\u00adel threes with the least of skill and effort, there\u00adby reduc\u00ading a com\u00adplex, tight game requir\u00ading prac\u00adtise down to an ongo\u00ading Spe\u00adcial-Moves-A-Go-Go episode where smash\u00ading the yel\u00adlow ana\u00adlog around qual\u00adi\u00adfies as \u201cplay\u00ading the game\u201d.<\/p>\n

You have both lost big, big marks for this treach\u00adery to the human spirit.<\/p>\n

I fuck\u00ading hate mem\u00ado\u00adry cards, by the way. I can\u2019t even save basic infor\u00adma\u00adtion to the con\u00adsole \u2014 I\u2019m sur\u00adprised I can even set the God\u00addamned date with\u00adout requir\u00ading an extra $30 purchase.<\/p>\n

Nin\u00adten\u00addo, you can go. Cap\u00adcom, please stay, as I\u2019m not fin\u00adished yet. The more I play your\u2026 game, the more hor\u00adri\u00adfied and the less sur\u00adprised I get at the design deci\u00adsions you\u2019ve made. What ini\u00adtial\u00adly scared me, the announc\u00ader, has become a sec\u00adondary con\u00adcern; the fuck\u00ading music is worse. My God. For a start, it\u2019s mon\u00adtrous\u00adly loud and over\u00adbear\u00ading; I can hard\u00adly hear the sound effects. Of course, as is usu\u00adal with con\u00adsole games, you don\u2019t offer a vol\u00adume set\u00adting for the music \u2014 I have option to kill it alto\u00adgeth\u00ader or keep it tear\u00ading at my soul above every\u00adthing else. How\u00adev\u00ader, I could accept the vol\u00adume if the back\u00adground tunes \u2014 and I use the word \u2018tunes\u2019 in the bad\u00adly-made-midi-file-on-a-pc-speak\u00ader sense \u2014 qual\u00adi\u00adfied as more than ele\u00adva\u00adtor music. Things start\u00aded going down\u00adhill in Alpha 3, let alone the ear\u00adly Ver\u00adsus Series games, but there is no jus\u00adti\u00adfi\u00adca\u00adtion for your end\u00adless \u201cthis is true love we\u2019re mak\u00ading\u201d tune<\/em> blar\u00ading repeat\u00aded\u00adly. Awful, like sand\u00adpa\u00adper to the senses.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re get\u00adting deep\u00ader into the prob\u00adlems of this pile of unpol\u00adished junk: game\u00adplay and bal\u00adance. I was so pleased to dis\u00adcov\u00ader that Shin Aku\u00adma has been some\u00adwhat\u2026 toned down<\/em>\u2026 in this game. I was\u00adn\u2019t so pleased to dis\u00adcov\u00ader that he\u2019s now the weak\u00adest char\u00adac\u00adter. Get this: Geese beat me by hit\u00adting me three times. Three times<\/em>. And this is in that sin\u00adgle fight\u00ader mode, where we\u2019re both sup\u00adposed to be of equal strength. Bal\u00adance, boys! I think you mis\u00adplaced it after the Alpha series fin\u00adished. I could con\u00adtin\u00adue with this, too: God Rugal, when under the com\u00adput\u00ader\u2019s con\u00adtrol, can kill with three moves, yet when I use him I tend to die faster than if I use stan\u00addard Ryu. I do not under\u00adstand this.<\/p>\n

Part of the prob\u00adlem lies in how your AI has got\u00adten pro\u00adgres\u00adsive\u00adly worse over the years. I played Super Street Fight\u00ader II Tur\u00adbo again the oth\u00ader day; I was pleasent\u00adly sur\u00adprised to be beat\u00aden sense\u00adless by Ken in the sec\u00adond match. Those char\u00adac\u00adters had much bet\u00adter AI than your recent efforts, which I also can\u2019t under\u00adstand. How can a Mega Dri\u00adve play bet\u00adter than a Game\u00adcube? There\u2019s an expo\u00adnen\u00adtial dif\u00adfer\u00adence in pro\u00adcess\u00ading pow\u00ader \u2014 spend some R&D time on port\u00ading some intel\u00adli\u00adgence over.<\/p>\n

To com\u00adpen\u00adsate for the com\u00adput\u00ader\u2019s stu\u00adpid\u00adi\u00adty, you\u2019ve tak\u00aden to increas\u00ading the attack and defence points of the CPU as the dif\u00adfi\u00adcul\u00adty \u2018increas\u00ades\u2019: Hard\u00adest mode is only hard because I lose a quar\u00adter of my ener\u00adgy per hit, forc\u00ading me to play either incred\u00adi\u00adbly defen\u00adsive\u00adly or equal\u00adly aggres\u00adsive\u00adly. Nei\u00adther is fun. What hap\u00adpened to strategy?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll keep burn\u00ading while I have the strength. Let\u2019s move on to the style. Ear\u00adli\u00ader games fea\u00adtured move pri\u00ador\u00adi\u00adty<\/em> \u2014 this has dis\u00adap\u00adpeared from the radar too. Now, every sec\u00adond attack results in both char\u00adac\u00adters reciev\u00ading dam\u00adage; I\u2019ve suf\u00adfered more dou\u00adble KOs in the last week than I\u2019ve ever had with oth\u00ader fight\u00ading games. Even Supers have no pri\u00ador\u00adi\u00adty. I\u2019m pri\u00admar\u00adi\u00adly a C\u2011Groove play\u00ader, so I can\u2019t speak for the oth\u00ader grooves, but I keep get\u00adting knocked out of things with sim\u00adple moves that should be over\u00adri\u00adden. Maybe it\u2019s because the col\u00adli\u00adsion bound\u00ading box\u00ades are way out, or maybe it\u2019s because of the SNK con\u00adnec\u00adtion. I don\u2019t know. Either way, it\u2019s fuck\u00ading me off, and should be fixed. There\u2019s a rea\u00adson I pull a Spe\u00adcial move, and by def\u00adi\u00adn\u00adi\u00adtion it has more pri\u00ador\u00adi\u00adty than stan\u00addard moves.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s so many oth\u00ader things: Zang\u00adief\u2019s cheap tac\u00adtics and ridicu\u00adlous dam\u00adage imbal\u00adance, Cam\u00admy\u2019s strange MVC com\u00adbo-able low for\u00adward kick, every\u00adthing relat\u00aded to that cheap Nakoslut\u00adslut, Gen\u00adjuro\u2019s absense, Guile\u2019s absolute use\u00adless\u00adness, the fuck\u00ading menu sys\u00adtem that takes ten min\u00adutes to get to the point, the forty five screens one has to suf\u00adfer through even in ver\u00adsus mode, the fuck\u00ading char\u00adac\u00adter tex\u00adtures being half the res\u00ado\u00adlu\u00adtion of the back\u00adgrounds, the char\u00adac\u00adter\u2019s palettes con\u00adsist\u00ading of six colours on a con\u00adsole doing 32-bit, the whole sev\u00aden back\u00adgrounds we get, the\u2026 [so on, and so forth]<\/p>\n

Bad. Ter\u00adri\u00adbly unpol\u00adished, try\u00ading too hard at things that just don\u2019t work. Stream\u00adline the menu sys\u00adtem. Kill the bloat. Fix the palettes. More back\u00adgrounds. Burn down the stu\u00addios where the music was record\u00aded and sac\u00adri\u00adfice the com\u00adposer\u2019s first born. Get rid of Zang\u00adief and the fuck\u00adwit with the ball and chain and the cheap helper char\u00adac\u00adter. Wankers. And hire some God\u00addamned QA staff and some testers. I can\u00adnot believe this passed through a ded\u00adi\u00adcat\u00aded QA depart\u00adment. If it did, you know what I would recommend.<\/p>\n

Oh, while I\u2019m at it, I want some\u00adone to cut Athena in half with a chain\u00adsaw so the lit\u00adtle skank can\u2019t sparkle tele\u00adport any\u00admore. She real\u00adly<\/em> fucks me off.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Monday, February 17, 2003<\/h2>\n
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2:56 PM<\/a><\/h3>\n
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\u2018Final\u00adly got a copy of the remixed ver\u00adsion of \u201cBlast off\u201d by Danielle Spencer. It\u2019s only avail\u00adable on a sin\u00adgle that I could\u00adn\u2019t get hold of.<\/p>\n